How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize