And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
