I wish i was in the wii world.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
