he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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