We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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