I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
