Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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