I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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