This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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