How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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