he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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