Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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