So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
