so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
