im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize