Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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