take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
