I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
