And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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