I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
