so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
