Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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