ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
