There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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