I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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