A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
