bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
