bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
