I didn't shave. On purpose
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
