The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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