Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
