Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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