You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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