C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
