Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
