Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just had sex on a roof
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
