I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize