She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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