Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
