Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
