In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
