So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
