Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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