Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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