forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize