I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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