I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
why does every cop we meet know your name?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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