Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
