I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sorry about my life...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
