Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i out mim tonsoeep
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
