i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
