Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
