After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
