how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize