I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
