Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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