I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
