Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
