He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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