I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
