my mouth tastes like poor choices
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
