Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
