my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize