she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
