her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
