You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
