i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
