I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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