Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
