jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
