An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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