dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize