I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize