Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize