Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
