I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize