3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
