She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
