apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
