i would punch a child for taco bell
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
