I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
