After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
