my sisters under your porch take her home
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
