She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
