i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
