i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
