"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
