I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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