im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm always down for nudity.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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