Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
