please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
