we have officially lost it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
