Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
