How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
