literally had 100 drinks last night.
do herpes really smell.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Someone signed my nipple.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
