I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
