If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
