i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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