i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
