So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
