Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize