I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
