Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How does one acquire holy water?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
