i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize