pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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