Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
